5 years later ...

Good grief, it’s been a hot minute. We have three kiddos now! JB is three months old and life is crazy. Tonight I’m home alone with the kids while Ben is gone on a boys’ trip for a few days. I did a lot of yelling and I feel a lot of guilt about it. Evenings are the worst because the girls are dragging their feet and don’t want to go to bed, but JB is overtired and crying and screaming. Then I get anxious and stressed, trying to get the girls to sleep quickly so that I can take care of him. Which turns into me snapping and yelling at them over silly little things. My fuse is so short lately and I have to figure out a way to combat that. My kids deserve a better mom. Maybe writing it down will help me to be more aware so I can do better. 

Also the house is a disaster and I don’t feel like I can get out from under it. 

Also I’m eating way too much crap and need to work out.

Also, my relationship with Ben could use a good amount of work.

Also, Ben’s grandpa just died and it’s awful and sad.

Fail

Well, my intention with this blog was to document our daily life and to have a place where I could look back and remember all the little moments that I might otherwise forget. However, seeing how it's been six weeks since I even attempted a blog post, I'd say I'm failing pretty miserably.

Life is chugging along. I am 16 weeks pregnant now and finally beginning to not feel miserable! Hallelujah! This pregnancy has been very different from the last one and I wasn't prepared to feel so awful for so long.

My mom and mother-in-law made a visit around Labor Day and E enjoyed having them here and getting so much attention. We also made our first trip to the zoo which was a lot of fun.

Since then, we have been dealing with a rats. In the walls. And the attic. And the garage. I hate rats and if I thought I hated them before I certainly have a much deeper hate now. The sound of them scratching in the walls gives me chills. And although I think we have successfully exterminated them (after $450 I would hope so!), I'm still terrified to step foot in the garage.

To top it off, we have had a sick baby. 7 straight days of vomit and diarrhea. It was misery for all of us.

BUT I think things are finally looking up! We are all healthy and happy and hey! It's football season! 😊 Go Chargers!

Oh, the smells ...

I thought I knew what being pregnant was like. At least for me. Being pregnant with E was a breeze! Sure, I was a little tired, but other than that ... no big deal. Well, not this time!

It could be that I'm a big wimp. It also could be that I'm naturally more tired this time around as I have someone other than myself to worry about 24/7. But either way, I am pooped! I'm tired and weak from not eating enough, but I can't eat because just the thought of doing so makes me so sick. I've tried to tell myself to just suck it up and it will pass, but it's been 3 weeks and not really getting any better. I've lost 10 pounds and I'm sure that can't be great for my little babe, so I finally caved and asked my doctor for something to help with the nausea. She prescribed me a medicine called Diclegis and I already feel soo much better! I think I didn't truly know how terrible I felt, but now that I feel myself again, I can see what a big difference it is! I felt like a weakling asking for medicine to help me feel better, but I am so glad I did. Now I can get back to being the best mommy and wife that I can be.

Unfortunately, there is no such prescription for the heightened sense of smell of a pregnant woman. I would love to make that disappear! E has been sick, including both vomiting and diarrhea and wow ... the smells! Man, it's all I can do not to toss my cookies right along side her.

So, needless to say, it's been a long couple of weeks and I'm ready for us all to get back on our feet and resume everyday normal life. I feel like we haven't even been out of the house in a long time. My mission for Monday is to get out, see some people, and regain some sense of normalcy! Fingers crossed!

A Snapshot of Our Life Today

I've found myself being quite reflective lately. The last couple of years have been pretty exciting for our little family and as I look to the future, I know we have many more adventures headed our way. So, I thought I'd create a space for me to jot down my thoughts as I navigate this journey called life.

My husband is a doctor in training - we have survived the four years of medical school and three years of pediatric residency. Now he's on the last leg which is a neonatology fellowship. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally in sight! We just have three more years to go.

After a couple of years of trying and wishing and praying, we were blessed with a baby girl in June of last year. E (as we'll call her for privacy sake) has stolen my heart beyond words. I'm so fortunate to be able to stay home with her and though it has been a lot more work than I imagined, I also can't imagine my life without her in it. I never knew a love like this existed. I'm one proud mama.

After the struggle to conceive E, you can imagine my surprise when after being just a few days late (nothing out of the ordinary for me), I had a positive pregnancy test! Just days after E turned one! I'm not even sure why I took the test, really. I did it more on a whim than anything, but boy was I shocked! It was my husband's last day of residency, so I wrapped up the test and gave it to him as a "congratulations on finishing" present. The look on his face was priceless. He was even more shocked than I. And our dear little E seemed to be in on the joke because she just kept lookin back and forth at us and laughing hysterically.

My initial reaction was shock, but then almost instantly followed by fear and anxiety. I kept thinking "What did I get myself into?! How am I supposed to manage two under two?" But as time goes on, I realize what a blessing this new little baby will be in our lives. Of course, there will be many difficult days and numerous sleepless nights, but E will have a sibling so close in age that they will hopefully be the best of friends. 

So, as life continues to throw us curveballs, we will take them as they come and remember how thoroughly blessed we are. Husband with a good career path, me being able to stay home with my kid(s!), a comfortable home, loving and supportive family and friends, and so many other things. I look forward to seeing what tomorrow brings!